Thursday, August 14, 2014

Lauren Bacall's Smile

When I think of Lauren Bacall I always remember this scene that ends "To Have and Have Not," because it's one of the few times on screen that she smiles like a beautiful goof, a lovestruck teenager. I don't know if, by this time, she and Humphrey Bogart were already smitten with each other, but I do know that -- considering her career was built on maintaining a beautiful facade -- she seems refreshingly natural here. It's a clip of such infectious joy that Turner Classic Movies used it to cap off their Bacall tribute:


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

"Al Capone," or Gang-Ham Style

This time on Motion Pictures Told Through Still Images with Goofy Captions (And GIFs!) we look at the totally true, completely factual, overacted 1959 film ...

Come and listen to my story 'bout a guy named Al,

Chicago-bound from Brooklyn as muscle for a pal,

But Al wanted money and he had a real hot head,
so all his rivals soon were filled with lead

Bullets, that is. Bang bang. Bust a cap.

Well, the next thing you know, old Al's the man in charge,

The law would like to nab him because he lives so large,

Then there's a lot of killing, and no hits were ever cleaner. 

One guy even gets it while munching on a weiner.

Kosher, that is. With mustard. Gluten free.

Al finally goes to jail for income tax evasion,

... and it's really hard to rhyme a word with "income tax evasion."

At Alcatraz he pays the price for all his dirty tricks ...

... the prisoners all welcome him by pelting him with bricks.

Extruded, that is. Hardened clay. Adobe. 

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Pre-Code vs Post-Code: "The Crowd Roars" and "Indianapolis Speedway"

Pre-code versus post-code is the difference between a Duesenberg and a Hummer, between cafe au lait and chocolate milk, between a camisole and a union suit.

Take the differences, for instance, between the 1932 film "The Crowd Roars" and the 1939 film "Indianapolis Speedway." Same story (by Howard Hawks, who also directed the first film), same setting, same characters (with different names, in some cases), even much of the same racetrack footage. By the way, want to know how to switch up your stock footage of a crowd? Just flip the image, like this:

And, since these are Warner Bros. films made in the 1930s, naturally both of them feature Frank McHugh -- playing the same character, and even with the same name. Spud. (Frank McHugh was born to play guys named Spud.)

But there's a distinct difference in the way the film's romantic relationships are portrayed, and, by extension, in the relationship between the brothers at the center of the story.

The brothers are Joe and Eddie Greer, played by James Cagney and Eric Linden in "The Crowd Roars" and Pat O'Brien and John Payne in "Indianapolis Speedway." Joe is a world-famous racing driver who drinks and carouses a little too much, tilting slightly but not totally into arrogance. Eddie is his hero-worshiping brother, who also wants to race.

In the 1939 version, Joe's reluctance to work with Eddie has a noble basis -- he wants Eddie to finish college, at Joe's expense. But after Joe leaves his hometown and his visit with Eddie to return to Los Angeles, he finds an unexpected stowaway.

In the 1932 version, Joe's reluctant to work with Eddie for two reasons -- one is because of Eddie's inexperience, but the other is that Joe doesn't want Eddie to know that he's shacking up with longtime frail Lee (Ann Dvorak). Once Eddie enters Joe's life, Joe starts giving the cold shoulder to the bewildered Lee. In "Indianapolis Speedway," by contrast, Joe and Lee (Gale Page) are already engaged, which makes their coupling a little more legitimate. When Joe gives Lee the brushoff in "Indianapolis," he makes it clear it's because he wants to tutor Eddie. In "The Crowd Roars," Lee grins and bears it, but in "Indianapolis Speedway" she gets rightfully honked off. Here are the two scenes:

But the real woman trouble in both movies comes from Lee's friend. In "The Crowd Roars," her name is Ann (Joan Blondell) and in "Indianapolis Speedway" her name is Frankie (Ann Sheridan). In both movies, she's first portrayed as bad news, and Joe doesn't want her "corrupting" his pure younger brother. In "The Crowd Roars," when Ann meets Eddie and starts showing some leg, Joe sneers, "Why don't you stand on your head while you're at it?" -- a line that's as likely to show up in "Indianapolis Speedway" as I am to grow a tail. In "Indianapolis Speedway," Frankie -- who's the roommate of Ann -- is known for feminine wiles that have driven at least one racer track wacky. (Sheridan, at the peak of her reign as Warner's "Oomph Girl," is top billed here -- and like Blondell, she is shown in the skimpiest post-code outfits possible.)

Here's how Cagney and O'Brien handle the problem of the other woman:

Even by Cagney standards, the character of Joe is wound unusually tight. His obsession with keeping Eddie from sinful entanglements and what he perceives as loose women -- playing around for me, but not for thee -- goes beyond brotherly concern and makes him seem like a hypocrite.

O'Brien portrays Joe as a little wearier -- the movie is telling us that what he needs is to settle down with a good woman, but it'll take him about 65 minutes to figure that out.

All around, in fact, the Joe in "Indianapolis Speedway" seems more human and more vulnerable. The relationship between the brothers is much warmer -- in the 1932 film, Joe dominates Eddie the way that Cagney naturally dominates the more diffident Linden. Payne, by contrast, has a stronger screen presence and makes more of an impression opposite O'Brien.

In both versions, Joe's downfall comes when, out of anger at Eddie's romance, he causes a fiery crash that kills Spud (Twice!). Joe is spooked and can't bring himself to race again, but he gravitates toward Indianapolis on the day of the 500. Eddie is racing, and when he is injured, Joe jumps back behind the wheel with Eddie as his co-driver. Guess who wins?

In the 1932 film, the reunion between the brothers isn't even played out -- Joe just jumps in the car and takes off. But in the 1939 version, there's a spoken rapprochement between the brothers, capped off when Eddie gives Joe his trademark cigar to chomp on for good luck. Guess who wins?

Here are the full credits for "The Crowd Roars" (which also features several real-life drivers as themselves) and "Indianapolis Speedway."

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A Versatile Blogger, I

Well, Andrew D. over at "1001 Movies I (Apparently) MUST See Before I Die" has been nice enough to nominate me for a Versatile Blogger Award, which I am told comes with a sizable cash prize!

(Whispering off stage)


I mean to say, which I have been told comes with a sizable amount of good wishes! As a recipient of this award, I first of all thank Andrew and urge you to visit his blog, if you haven't already.

Next, I am to offer seven semi-interesting facts about myself. So, here:

1. For over thirty years, from 1981 until last summer, I wrote a TV and movie Q&A column that appeared in about 20 newspapers. It was a great run, but the newspaper business is iffy right now, to say the least, so it came to a close. My collected work is still on display here.

2. I have written seven TV reference books, including one on Television Variety Shows and another on the history of Louisville Television.

3. In the 1980s, when I was younger and had more energy, my dream was to become a TV comedy writer. I completed several spec scripts and got a few positive nibbles from agents in Hollywood, but I couldn't bring myself to bite the bullet and make the move to the west coast. Now I think I satisfy the urge to be funny -- oh, all right, kind of funny -- through Motion Pictures Told Through Still Images with Goofy Captions.

4. I have two granddaughters -- Kennedy, age 2; and Joycellyn, age 5. In my totally unbiased way I think they are the most precious things on earth.

5. Next to old movies, I love old radio shows. And now that they're widely available on MP3 and can be loaded by the dozen onto an iPod, I have built a chronological library of shows so that I can listen hour by hour, day by day, month by month, year by year. Right now I'm up to March 1947. (Spoiler alert: We won World War II.)

6. I once rode in an elevator with Gene Hackman. He's tall. And when I was in New York City a few weeks ago I saw Jackie Mason walking down the street. He isn't.

7. I have a collection of bound TV Guides going back to 1956.

Still awake? Here are the 10 blogs that I nominate for this award (the official rules say 15, but I think that's too darn many). Some of these are newcomers to CMBA and are excellent:


Louise Brooks Society

Journeys in Classic Film

Silver Scenes

Dear Mr. Gable

Cary Grant Won't Eat You

A Person in the Dark

Mildred's Fatburgers

Sunset Boulevard

Alfred Hitch-blog

Sunday, July 13, 2014

My Accidentally Hilarious Blogathon Entry: "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman," or A Big Hand for the Little Lady

This is part of the Accidentally Hilarious Blogathon sponsored by your friends and mine at Movies, Silently, so visit them for other entries, eh what?

Great expense was spared in assembling these titles.

"We interrupt 'Sex Sent Me to the ER' for this special report.
A big ball has been spotted in the California desert, just
glowing like anything. All mentally unstable heiresses who
drive big convertibles and have unfaithful husbands are
urged to be on the alert." 

Hmm. Could this be --

-- uh oh. Too late. Nancy the unstable heiress, meet
big ball glowing like anything.

Nancy the unstable heiress (we will just call her Nancy
henceforth) runs in her cocktail dress back to the
thriving desert town of Bleached Skull and alerts the sheriff.

Meanwhile, in the town bar, unfaithful husband Harry is
being very unfaithful with his floozy, Honey. (Or
should that be with his honey, Floozy?) 

Still, Nancy cannot resist Harry's irresistible good looks
and dashing manner, even though to the rest of the
world he is basically a smirk and a necktie.

Nancy tells Harry about her sighting and they set out
to find the glowing ball. 

Suddenly the alien pilot, Mr. Clean, appears out of
nowhere because the producers couldn't afford
a spaceship door. He extends the big fake hand of
friendship toward Nancy -- 

-- and Harry suddenly remembers he left something at
home. His suitcase.

Mr. Clean thoughtfully takes Nancy back home, but she
has experienced special alien radiation, and so, like him,
she gets big fake hands.

Meanwhile, the sheriff finds Mr. Clean, who uses his
alien powers to turn a 1958 Plymouth into a '53 Chevy.

Nancy is very tall now. She starts dating Manute Bol
and gets a job with the power company. 

But revenge is on her mind! So she heads for the
bar at Bleached Skull.

There she finds Harry, and with just a touch of her
big fake hand --

-- she turns him into a badly stuffed Ken doll.

Alas, the end is nigh for Nancy and Ken -- er, Harry. It has
something to do with live wires, but don't ask me what.

The great men of science who have been following Nancy's
unusual case try desperately to control their emotions. The
town of Bleached Skull will never be the same -- at least not
until they rebuild that bar.   

Sunday, July 6, 2014

"Them!" or Ant-y Maim

This time around on Motion Pictures Told Through Still Pictures with Goofy Captions (patent pending) we examine the 1954 film ...

Our story begins in the New Mexican desert, from a vantage
point that makes people look like ants -- GIANT MUTANT ANTS

Police officer James Whitmore is working with the plane
above to locate a little girl ... 

... they find her in shock, with a look of horror on her face
that can mean she's seen only one thing -- a "Keeping
Up with the Kardashians" marathon. 

And also because her family has been attacked by -- AAHHHH!
Oh, sorry -- that's a yucca tree.

That's better -- AAHHHHH! A giant ant with a face that
looks like the front of a 1953 Chrysler!

Called into the case are FBI agent Matt Dillon, who was
attending a Green Hornet cosplay convention ...

... and Dr. Kris Kringle, an ant expert (Matt Dillon brought
eyeshades for everybody.) 

Led by Dr. Kringle, the humans begin a
constructive dialogue with the giant ants. 

But there are a lot of giant ants and they're heading
toward Los Angeles, lured by promises of
nice weather and good-paying jobs. 

The ants end up living in the Los Angeles river basin
because they love the drag race scene from "Grease."

The authorities try to keep everyone calm.

Tired of being upstaged by Matt Dillon and Dr. Kringle, Whitmore invades
the ant lair in hopes of getting a Facebook selfie with the queen.

The lawmen find a nest of newborn queens and celebrate
the miracle of life by immolating them.

The city is saved -- but despite the most fervent wishes
of the little girl, "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" is
still on the air.